the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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