My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
