oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i dont even know how to be here
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
