My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Come see our sink grown plant.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
