I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
