Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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