i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
