You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Everclear isn't food dammit
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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