where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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