Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
