Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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