everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
