um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
