I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
