3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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