Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
