i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
