Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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