plz talk dirty to me
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Houston, we have a blender
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
