Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
