I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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