dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
