I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
