Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
tell me about the eggs
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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