Duck Duck Cougar?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
