She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
