On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
