im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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