OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
