the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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