did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
