alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Drake has all the answers
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
