when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
