butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
