I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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