Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
