Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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