if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
