you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Randomize
