It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
