Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
