Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
