New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
