How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
