All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
