ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
3 2 1 whiskey
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
