mondays should just be called national damage control day
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
