my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
