That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
