4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
